Nekyia's Threshold

subject:
COOKIE NAZI - Sig Heil !
post date:
2007-07-22 20:48:06
views: 13 comments: 0 ratings: 0

I have a roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, gas in my car - and $17.00 to last me until Friday. Obviously I'm going to chose to spend 50% of my hoarded cash on my quest to bring a moment of comfort to people one piece of a candy at a time. It makes me feel like I'm doing something to "Be the change you wish to see in the world" - like Ghandi said. Then there's people that should never be given a customer service job. Have you ever heard of Walmart? How about Sams Club - the uber Walmart where you pay money to be a member? Yes? That was where I chose to take my meager wad of cash and desire to heal through the magic of sugar. My little girl came with me.We entered the store were I pay money to be a member. We walked towards the means to my humanitarian goals. On the way to the candy aisle, there was a sample table set up with little broken up pieces of cookies on five seperate plates:Sugar CookieChocolate Chip CookieOatmeal Raisin CookieMacadamia Nut CookiePeanut Butter Cookie My little girl said she was going to try each kind. I said I would too. All of a sudden the surge of kinetic energy coming through the hair net of the Sample Nazi hit me in the ears."You're not supposed to try EVERY KIND! SIG HEIL, SIG HEIL, SIG HEIL!" Ya volt? Huh...You know sometimes I'm really slow, and sometimes my brain multiples, subtracts, divides, and extrapolates at incomprehensible speeds. This was one of the latter moments. In a fraction of a second I came up with this equation:Membership dues PLUS A small wedge of multiple cookie varieties MINUS people that totally miss the intent of having a sample table DIVIDED BY (to entice people to buy what they might not have otherwise, or to create a memory of the product that will lure them back to said product at a future date) MINUS the mentality of a COOKIE NAZI = Me saying, "Would you like to check with your manager? No, hold on, I will go SPEAK to your manager and resolve this mysterious MULTIPLE VARIETY SAMPLES BUT TAKE ONLY ONE KIND BECAUSE DEAR GOD SAM'S CLUB CAN'T AFFORD TO TRY TO LURE ME TO BUY THE EXOTIC MACADAMIA NUT COOKIE IF I CHOSE THE MUNDANE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE FIRST!" I said part of that in my head as further extrapolation occurred. My daughter reverted to the culture of childhood and hissed - "MOM! Don't be a tattletell!", but nope, if anybody is going to put limitations on anything I do, it better damn well make sense in the job description they're tasked to carry out.Perhaps she'd be more comfortable as a Loss Prevention employee. Achtung!Please don't be stupid. It gives me a headache.