Nekyia's Threshold

subject:
Through the Looking Glass
post date:
2007-08-18 20:53:11
views: 12 comments: 0 ratings: 0

A Perfect Circle's 13 Steps album, and Maynard's magic instrument flipped me through a mirror most dark - my psyche. I went into a trance, and had some adventures. I haven't stopped having them, even yet. The world makes more sense to me this way. I'm finally in step, and aware, and its others that just haven't stroked the serpent's coils. This was an excerpt from a letter I wrote, describing what was one of the most unusual things I did while in a full blown state of flying. Its interesting, if disturbing. "I've explored therapy before. Unfortunately I'm a control freak. And I can't even let go of my manipulation of my experience, and what I receive when involving another, long enough to let them do their proper job. I think you'd have to be very fierce indeed to get beyond my iron gates. I totally lost it a year or so ago, I still don't know why. I had the most amazing experiences. It was wonderful, and it was terrible. It definately shoved me a couple coils up the serpent. I'm trying to decide if getting closer to the fangs is a GOOD thing. Anyway, I sort of reached in and activated my lizard brain. The one that insists on fighting, fleeing, fucking, or feeding. It offered me the brilliant idea that in order to work with a psychologist, whom I was threatened by, I should "mark" him. Yes, like a tiger or a lion marking their territory in the wilderness of India or Africa. This would ensure that he would not overwhelm me. Or so the lizard's tongue hissed in my ear from the inside. So I observed that he always shook hands with me prior to a session - of which we spent the majority of the time getting me to spit out a definitive sentence - and I applied a delicious musk to my palm in an oily coating. When he did as was his habit, I pressed the oils into his skin, and for that session at least I was almost secure. Weird how the human mind makes up defenses, rituals, and gris-gris to keep itself level. Obviously I wasn't ready to explore my mind with another. So I stopped going and decided to just try to heal myself." I'm a work in progress, always...