Nekyia's Threshold

subject:
Fair Farts
post date:
2007-08-12 19:09:59
views: 6 comments: 0 ratings: 0

Three. Three is the number. Not two, not four, but three.Three is the number of licks it takes to get tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop - according to a wise old owl with a lack of control.Three is also how many rides I can go on at the fair before I feel absolutely nauseous. Well, actually it was the second ride that did me in.It was a little cage that swung you. That part was fun. It was like the best push you ever got on the playground swingset. Up, and Up, and Up - the pressure of it all pushing deep inside. Then down, and down, and down - and the funny swoopy feeling in your stomach. Oh yes, I loved it.Then the apex of the ride was reached. It didn't go Up and down, it went round and round. Big, intense, circles - forward and backwards. At first I had my eyes open, and my mouth open, screaming in joy. Somewhere in between the second upside down and the first backwards upside down and round and round, I stopped screaming.Twenty eight years ago I learned how to breath through labor contractions. I removed myself from pain and found a peaceful seashore where the waves pounded in and slid out, and the air entering and leaving my body helped guide the water to its peaceful retreat. I started doing my breathing techniques on that second ride. I stopped trying to use my muscles to hold myself in my seat. When the apex of the circle was reached, I just curled up in a fetal postion as best I could and let myself hang in mid air against the padded restraints, inhaling slowly and panting.When I got off the ride the smells of cotton candy, popcorn, carmel apples, and corn dogs, pizza, sauages, and fried everything smacked me in the nose. Ouch, gag. Noooo...But I didn't throw up. Instead I went and visited the pig pens. I kept getting the smell of pork cooking. Ignorning it I pet the animals. Their skin has hairs like a man's beard. Their nose is very strong. And there was a bbq'd pork stand right outside the building. Irony? The circle of life? One more ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl, the very best ride ever invented, and I'd reached a bearable level of nauseau again. It was a great night of family fun. I got to meet my oldest son's new girlfriend who introduced me to her and said, "You can call my mom 'Cid' - she's like acid, she'll get in your brain and rot it." Gee... But he said it with love.The drive home was highlighted by one of my children telling the other - "Listen", and then an explosive fair food fart filled our ears, and then our noses. Luckily, a skunk was killed a few seconds up the road. My husband asked me if I was doing an "Ace Ventura - Pet Detective" impression, by driving with my head craned out the window, I told him I was just getting some fresh air. The skunk spray is preferable to recycled fair food.And life is good...