Nekyia's Threshold

subject:
Walking the Walk
post date:
2007-09-01 23:29:20
views: 29 comments: 2 ratings: 0

RE SPECTWALKWADDA YA SAY?RESPECTWALKARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?I really don't have alot of RE SPECT for pretty pictures. I'm not talking about the Sistine Chapel's ceiling. I mean things in life that are judged "good" because they fit the idealized. Maybe its just because I've never been good at painting them within my life.Tonight I experienced RE SPECT. It proved that, in spite of a stumble, stumble, stagger, trip from time to time, I have not only TALKED, but WALKED the good mother path, the functional mother path, the viable mother path, the fluid mother path. How do I know? My older children took care of me when I was down.They had to cajole me in to letting them - I'm the one that takes care of them, not vice versa. But there I was crying my heart out, and then I was at the bar getting drunk with them - a first. Its not the activity that is the focus - the thing that touched me was that they would yank me up, make me laugh, tell me how good I was, tell me how much they loved me. I needed to hear it and experience it.The alcohol just lent a few moments of loosened inhibitions. I played Hatebreed for my son on the jukebox and head banged for a bit. I sang Incubus's Drive with my daughter. I added a new word to the family lexicon: CuntFunk3r. I noticed how much enjoyment I got out of reading "Cocksmoker" on the scoreboard of a video game and when I had the chance to place my name on a winning game I tried to think of an equally engaging moniker.It was so appalling in a harmless way that we spent a few minutes making up scenarios in which the word would be used. My son added a hand motion. Swing your arm around, jab your other hand into your elbow crease, sharply bring your forearm up, and pinch your fingers around your nose. CUNTFUNK3R!!And through this "un-pretty picture" night, my husband was given cudos for putting up with me, and making me extremely happy. In the middle of this frivolity my youngest daughter called from Florida where she's vacationing and told me "Mom, don't get drunk". A friend of my son's was called and made to play "WHO IS THIS?" As a clue he was reminded by my son, "My mom yelled at you about coming in to the house wearing a black hoodie and smelling like dope." Since I really don't have any problem with the color black, or hoodies, it was nice to know that my constant disapproval of marijuana was acted upon - and recalled ten years later. I may not be very good at alot of things, but I was humbled with the love and care I received tonight. Thanks kids. Momma loves you. I RE SPECT you