Nekyia's Threshold

subject:
Ephiphany
post date:
2007-04-12 10:30:01
views: 16 comments: 0 ratings: 0

(Early October of 2006. The pre-teen trama hasn't gotten less, I think we're just adding pre-premenstral syndrome to the mix. Oh joy...)I walked in the door from work and somewhere between a cheerful greeting to my 10 year old daughter and opening the gas bill the world exploded. Small scale explosion. More of a POP than a BOOM. My daughter was yelling at me, for raising my voice at her, for scolding me, after tattling misinformation to my mother, who relayed boundries to my daughter to tell to me, who didn't need them, because the reality expressed was subjective and didn't exist beyond the mind of the one who was angry with her brother, and pulled rank via manipulation of the matriarch.Understand?So I told her she may not yell at me, and she was to go to her room for a half an hour. She did not. She sat on the couch and stared at the tv. I turned it off. She said she could sit there and do nothing. I told her that she was to go to her room for a half an hour. She sat. I was not going to drag her off the couch and yank her up the stairs. I could have, but what good did that ever do? To a woman, what good is it to know that there are always going to be people that are physically stronger than you? What good is it going to do to punish with physical power? Enforce with brute strength? What lesson could I teach my daughter in this moment of a clash of wills? I told her that for every five minutes she didn't do as I'd told her to do, she'd have to spend another 10 minutes in her room. She sat. Finally I called my mom. She listened patiently to all I had to say. We considered options. We discussed Dr. Phil and some basic "WWDPD?" strategies. My father was listening in the background as the females tried to quell a rebellion. He got on the phone and said he'd come over with his belt. I'd lived through that. All that did for me was to make me equate love with violence, because of course - it was all done for my own good. Link the thoughts, trace the dots, look at the psycho-sexual development of a d/s-s/m personality unfolding. I want more for my daughter. I was told that I should review the Bible and see what it said about sparing the rod. I don't exactly believe the Bible word for word. Why? Because words are open to interpretation. I envision a rod as a pillar of strength and guidence. I do not embrace the notion of a rod as a lashing, slashing, whistling means to quell rebellions in the young. "Spare the rod, spoil the child".Thats right. Every child needs that pillar of strength and guidence, one that will show them how to interact with the world with their mind and not their fists. What good are fists? Ultimately even the conquerors know that you have to wind the broken around your steel sheathed fingers, and meld them to your mindset - not your swordplay.My father wished me well. He told me to call him and tell him how it all ended. I said I would.I walked out into the livingroom and stared at my daughter who was staring at me. "What good outcome do you think your behavior will result in?" I asked. She looked me in the eye and I had an epiphany. I saw inside her mind.She was the beautiful, free spirit that I'd raised her to be. I was going to be her pillar of strength and discipline - with love. I would not spare the rod. It was going to be my rod though. I smiled at her. With deep deep love and understanding. I put my hands upon her for the first time since the battle had been waged. With true love. And valid strength. She slid her arms around me while I drew her close and breathed in her clean innocence and warmth. I told her how much I loved her, and said, "Let me walk you up to your room." We hugged all the way to the place of natural and logical consequence of her actions. We laughed and smiled at each other. We LOVED each other every step of the way, and I didn't spare the rod, and I did not SPOIL the child the way violence does. We parted at her door, and I told her I'd call her in a hour when dinner was ready and she would be allowed to come back downstairs.And thats my epiphany for the day.