Nekyia's Threshold

subject:
Push My Button Jesus Doll
post date:
2007-10-15 18:35:30
views: 13 comments: 1 ratings: 0

Oh my. Where do I begin on the topic of the Talking Jesus Doll? I saw a blurb in the paper regarding this newest possible Christmas hit. My chortling interspersed with bouts of ferocious fact finding missions and extroplated philosophical conclusions haven't stopped since.Archaeological evidence supports the fact that the average man of Jesus' day was about 5 feet 3 inches tall and a bantamlike 110 pounds. Given the harsh conditions, especially for working stiffs like the members of Jesus' family, combined with Jesus' ascetic lifestyle, which included walking everywhere, scholars agree that he was most likely a rather sinewy peasant, as tough as a root and about as appealing.Hey look, over there - it's Jesus the Jew, semetic short man. Not the anglosaxon-ish King James vision so beloved of mainstream christian America. And while I'm at it - if Jesus rose from the dead, does that make him a zombie? Some liberal theologians assume that Jesus was not resurrected. They assume that the Romans threw his body on a garbage heap to be eaten by scavengers. This was a near-universal practice for the victims of execution. Oh, but wait, ye who art yanking at thy hair in a proxism of offended holier than moi. There's still faith. And lets remember that there is a difference between faith and fanatacism - and that is found in the word "uncertainty". In spite of occassional cross eyed looks at the dogma of organized religion, a truly faith filled person will carry on another day, and offer Divinity to the world in many ways, large - or most likely - small. And for God's sake - and I mean that sincerely - for GOD'S SAKE, find a way to learn the lessons in all the holy books and pass them on in real life words. It'll make you sound like less of a parrot and more like a practitioner.By the way, a linguist has determined that the longest of the phrases the King James Jesus talking doll spouts is too long. Its 59 seconds and thats just toooooooo long to hold the attention of the target kiddie audience. Imagine the back page stories of cult kids blowing up the dolls with fire crackers. You think its messy when bikes get stolen? Just wait when its a King James Jesus doll. Then its going to turn into a whole new game of fishes and loaves.- and the uncomfortable humor continues...+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Talking Jesus DollImagine your child's joyous expression this Christmas as she opens up her new Talking Jesus Doll!! That's right! For only $24.95 you can completely objectify Jesus Christ within your child's mind's-eye into a small plastic figurine capable of a whopping six biblical sentences!This plastic Jesus's ruddy action-grip figure comes dressed in (removeable??) 1st century jewish garb. Imagine the possibilities as your child reenacts "Jesus's forgiving of the Harlot" with the help of her Disco Barbie, or "Jesus's Temptations" using Elmo as Satan! What educational fun!Be sure to order yours today to avoid the Christmas rush!! Posted by sdf at October 1, 2005 06:10 PM @ theologywebsite.com++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++I was reminded of a true story I related in a previous blog. I wonder if a healing could occur?The Christmas Gift by SylaraThere is another story that shares the same title. Its a touching tale of true love and sacrifice, and the sweet irony that follows ultimate good intentions. This isn't that story.Having a young daughter leads to Christmas being a real source of all things Barbie. Having an odd sense of humor leads to these gifts becoming twisted shadows of their former wholesome selves. One particular favorite was Gymnastic Barbie. She came with a parallel bar set up, and a remote control. When you put her hands on little pegs on the top bar of the gymnastic equipment she would draw her legs up in a pike position and perform as many UP AND OVER's (I'm sure there's a gymnastic word for that, that I can't recall) as you chose to have her do - with just the push of a button on the remote control. A few hours after Gymnastic Barbie was opened my daughter grew bored with her and moved on to something else. I decided to give it a whirl. Everything was going fine until Gymnist Barbie wasn't properly placed for a good handhold. Down she fell to the ground, but the remote had already been pushed. Thats when Gymnist Barbie forever became known as Paralysis Barbie. With her hands and arms stiffly before her, she drew up her back legs, her plastic barbie butt - with the flowered flesh colored extruded panites (she had, of course, become naked almost immediately upon being taken from her box) - thrusting high into the air. Her torso moved forward a few inches, her hips fell back towards the ground. The remote control was pushed, her butt once again reached for the sky as her legs were drawn up in what would have resulted in a really fine UP AND OVER, if only she'd been on the parallel bars. Over and over she made excrutiatingly slow progress across the floor with her peculiar stiff limbed, pike position crawl. It was great. Paralysis Barbie was an even bigger hit than Gymnist Barbie, and it only got better when the dog ate the hands and feet off of Malibu Skipper and she was renamed Amputee Skipper and was the perfect audience for her sister's efforts.Static-X, Push Itcorrosive tainted by my sin, i'm spilling blood and i cant,hardly contain it,corrosive hallowing the hand,stiffened i eat away,eat,eat into the surface,yeah you push it (x6)explosive more violent more violent,all consuming throbbing,strait to the circle,explosive move on reaction,i slow it down i slow it,down (x5)yeah you push it (x6)i see it,i need it, (x8)my mind is corrosive i trip,on corrosive i freak,see through me,my eyes are explosive,i feed on it,black out,crucify me,yeah you push it (x12)